I have been a little lost on things to write about recently. I think its because I know people are curious as to what my next steps are, and I don’t exactly know, so how can I post them on the internet…
The last few months have been such a roller coaster of experiences and changes. At the end of 2010, I felt like a bunch of pieces of my life were pulled out from under me. So I guess the beginning of 2011 has been about moving on without those pieces, finding new ways of doing life.
The biggest change this 2011 is the lack of a life plan. I feel like I am constantly having to open my hands and surrender the things I want to hold onto, specifically the future. I can make an approximate guess for the next 3months or 6months or so, but I really don’t know how it will all come together. It is so scary and so exhilarating.
Two weeks ago, I was sitting on an airplane flying over the North Sea, and there was this incredibly epic sunset.
As I was staring out the window reflecting on the crazy journey my life has been on in the last 4 years; All the countries I have been to, the amazing people I have met, the passion for social justice that I have developed… I knew that the sun-was-setting on some specific seasons of my life but whatever that means, I was walking into a new day (yes I am going for cheesy lingo today;) ).
I had such a sense of God’s presence. I remembered that four years ago, I had no hope, and my biggest plan was to make more money, buy clothes and snowboard. But God had something so much bigger in store for me. I could never have guessed it four years ago, and so now, I have no way of really knowing what will happen next, but I have an assurance of a God who is faithful.
It was my birthday this last week, and I have been not very good at celebrating my birthday in the past, but when I was looking at that sunset, I felt like the time for not celebrating was coming to an end. So I chose to celebrate my birthday with people who I love, and it was the best decision ever.
Now I sit here on Easter Monday feeling full. Not so much physically (although Easter dinner was amazing!), but full spiritually, full emotionally, full of family and friends and full of love. Once again, when we step out in faith, God is faithful to meet us where we are at with what we need. Sometimes life is really hard, but really that makes these moments of fullness so much better.
This has been quite the random posting, but I guess that is just where I am at. The lessons: Learning to let go of the future, reflecting on the adventure, and celebrating the goodness of God that has been lived out through a faith journey.
So once again, if you were hoping to get out of this what my next steps will be, I’m not really there yet, but I am finally learning to lay it down, and the little strategic planner inside of me is learning to first trust God, because he really is good.